40 days and 40 nights

Happy New Year!

For some reason I decided to watch the farce that is 40 days and 40 nights again.  The first time I watched it I was 15 and in boarding school, and Josh Hartnett was the best thing to happen to female kind since well, Heath Ledger (may his soul rest in peace).  This was just before Orlando Bloom took over as the reigning male heart throb extra-ordinaire.  Man, I digress! sorry.  The premise of the movie is that this chap is meant to go without sex or anything related to sex for the aforementioned period of time and just as he commits to this vow, he meets his love interest. (Cue dramatic music)

Why am I thinking about this fellow's problems.... well, I know that everyone and their dog is getting it on whenever they want and hopefully wearing a condom.  This would be fine, but they also seem to always want to be sharing their exploits in one way or another with the rest of us, which is not fair or helpful.   Some of us (and this number dwindles with every passing minute of the day) have vowed to wait for marriage (and before you ask, that includes oral sex....)  I could go on and on about the responses I have had to endure when this little bit of information pops up in conversation, but I'll stick to a few instead:

Some are convinced it is due to  my lack of opportunity (so, not true, come on, it would be easier for you to just call me ugly to my face!)

Some feel earnestly that I am broken or damaged somehow.... (maybe I am, but not due to lack of sexual activity, I can assure you).

Some are concerned that I will not know what to do when the time comes or that it won't be good (my response usually is, I am sure I don't know what I am missing, and I can assure you I will work extremely hard with my husband to make sure that it is good... I have always been an overachiever)

Some feel I am just trying to be holier than thou. (Trust me, I am not holy, I am not running around like Josh Hartnett seeing naked men everywhere lol, but I do agree with protecting yourself from unnecessary items that can and will turn you on... case in point, certain episodes of True Blood... my mind is twisted, I already said so)

I know I complained about this in an earlier post...'Celibacy and raining' but there is now a newish issue.  When I wrote that post I was single and not attracted to anyone in particular. Well, Mark and I have resolved our differences for now (he didn't die and it's a long story for another day), and heaven help me I do think he's incredibly hot, sigh (fans herself cos it's warm all of a sudden), and funny, and kind and sexy and cute...

I'd better get back to studying, need all the distractions I can get.

And here you'll find what's left of my itty bitty heart

I guess you can only call your heart broken if you actually gave it to someone.  Me, as the title of this blog indicates, is still a little way ways off from that.  Doesn't mean I'm not hurt, oh I'm hurt.
It has been a trying few days people.  I have been pulled and pushed to within the edge of my reasonable mind.  What happened? I hear you ask?  thanks for the consideration people... some of you would also remember that it is now a few days before Christmas and Mark should be changing my life and kissing me senseless every hour on the hour.
WRONG!
This is what happens when you get carried away... for no apparent reason whatsoever, in the year 2012 I have not heard a peep from him in three days.  I don't want to turn into one of those angry stalker girls by leaving him countless messages.
And so, I would like to thank him for his services to humanity.  I will not be making the same mistake twice.
Thankfully Christmas is about our Saviour's birth and hope coming into the world...
Bah Humbug everybody xxx

The three C's

This post is inspired by the travails of a friend of mine who has managed to put herself in a very awkward position... details to come.
Girls are a funny breed, I must admit it. We are entirely unreasonable at the best of times and supposedly reasonable at the worst, and in affairs of love and the heart even the most reasonable of girls  can become utterly unhinged.
My friend happens to be training for iron women events at the moment... yes you heard me, iron woman. To the un-initiated, these are events that test your ability to swim, run and cycle... certain distances against other similarly minded mad people.  She also happens to be a kick-ass doctor and only 26.
So, how does a woman like this end up with a guy that is utterly emotionally unavailable?  Well, maybe you are wiser than I am.  I have spent all of this week talking her down from continuing her relationship with this fellow.  She even traveled to the other side of the world to move on from him.  All of a sudden he cannot live without her and misses her etc etc etc shoot me now!  I love the girl in question so obviously I want her to be free of this fellow and explore new and better things.
What was the problem?  The three Cs
 - Companionship
 - Chemistry
 - Compatibility
They had the first two but not the last one. According to her, you need all three for a relationship to thrive. The problem with monikers like the above is that every couple is different and fixing absolutes on human beings who are very complicated beings requires a level of faith that is well... serious!
Mark and I have had a few constructive arguments in the last few days which are mostly about compatibility.  I had to pause this post because there is a woman outside who is screaming at the top of her lungs.... she saying loud things in Ibo, and a group of people are trying to calm her down, Lagos for you...  I hope inspiration returns soon.

in other news... Mark is on a plane to LOS, now.... :)

How many yards...of husband material?

So, this is my response to a similar post on another website. Seeing as I am supposedly being swept off my feet by Mark. I know I'm not supposed to have a long list of pre-requisites for the man I am supposed to marry. The negotiable and the non- negotiable ones....
I am not fussy about race, but keen on a God fearing boy
I am not fussy about Nigerian ethnicity, but if he is Yoruba that would be a plus since my mother IS fussed
I am not concerned about height but if he were a wee bit taller that would be awesome
I don't have to support his football team but he'd better not be angry if Swansea beats his team silly
I am fussy about drugs, alcohol and nicotine
I am fussy about personal hygiene and unnecessary piercings
It would be nice if you had a good sense of humor but patience is more important
It would be awesome if he was not in the medical profession. My poverty does not need company
Dear Lord I realise this is a lot to ask but it would be great if when I saw him I couldn't think straight...

Right and in the real world I'm a little annoyed at Mark for going out drinking with his nameless, faceless mates and calling me whilst under the influence... Grrrrr

Nobody likes a happy Camper

So, in answer to Why my date did not Call back? Well, in His words, He was trying to make a relationship with someone Else get off The Ground As it were. I'm not upset, mostly because The phänomenon of having a back up is not new to me. Single People seem to Be casting their nets fairly widely These days in an effort to encompass all available options. He did not want to lead me On. Seriously, He Should have just Said so. I would have Supported His honesty.

Nö One likes a happy Camper so to prevent this from being my last post. We are t Minus 17 days Till Mark's arrival. Could this really Be it?

Labels und mein Freund Mark

Right.  So I may have gotten a little carried away speaking to the chap in Malaysia regularly.  I now have tenosynovitis in my right wrist from typing for hours on end (we managed to exhaust our credit talking on the phone).  Being my not overly romantic self we've talked about religion, raising kids and how to raise them.  We have disagreed on him not wanting daughters (the fool) and called a truce on what love is and what it isn't.  I almost told him about this blog when he said he didn't believe in love.  And naturally I asked, 'what do you mean by that?'

I think that he, like quite a few guys I've met recently are completely over the Hollywood representation of what it is to be in love.  They don't see lightning bolts electrocuting them, and they are definitely wary of not being able to think straight and becoming a different person for the sake of love.  My mother always says that if you can't accept a man the way he is before you settle down, don't be surprised when you are frustrated about not being able to change him.  Case in point, my father does not believe in replacing his shoes when they are dead, like falling apart dead.  He will want to fix them and patch them.  What she always does is she takes his credit/ debit card and buys him expensive shoes and throws out the old ones.  He'll whine for a couple of weeks about the expense bla bla and he'll end up being very happy with them. If she waited for him to replace his shoes she'd end up embarrassed at church every Sunday.  It's one less thing to fight about.

I'd like to ask, do the ladies/ fellas (I doubt there are guys out there reading my rants) out there have fundamental disagreements with their relative others?  and if so, where do you draw the line?  Let's call the Malaysian guy Mark.  Cos his story is a long one.

Mark was one the the new guys in Year 7 of high school.  He had odd looking hair in that it didn't grow like the usual African koko hair and was dark in complexion.  He seemed a very jovial sort of person and I actually deep down thought he was quite handsome, especially when he smiled and these cute dimples showed up.  Anyhoo, another new guy also arrived in Year 7 lets call him the Devil.  The Devil made my life miserable in high school and not once but twice did I slap him for calling me some unsavoury names.  If I thought that my experience was bad, Mark bless him had it much worse.  Mark wasn't one of the popular kids and so the popular kids picked on him. He was quite clever but his grades fell the worse the bullying got and he was put on academic probation.  It was so bad that once I remember seeing him with a cut lip and bleeding eyebrow after the Devil was through with him.  Mark began to fight back in Year 9 or 10, but by this time the bullying had earned Mark a bad rep with the teachers and administrators at school.  The Devil managed to frame Mark for every ill a teenager could possibly commit.  Mark was suspended and I haven't seen him since.  You can imagine that the constant negative press stressed out Mark's parents, who he now has a very difficult but understanding relationship with. He was banished to Canada where he studied and did well for himself, and ended up working in Eastern Europe and South East Asia, where he currently lives.

Pat on the back for me! that was 10 years of a man's life shortened into 1 paragraph.  I digress, Mark and I were not friends in highschool cos he kinda made me miserable too, but nowhere near as bad as the Devil and his cronies.  3 years ago Mark called me in England and apoligised profusely for what he had done to me back then... apparently he also called my old bestie from high school to do the same.  I took it as, hey, God is helping me to close that painful chapter properly!

Two weeks ago I get another phonecall from Mark (how the hell does he get my number... I haven't asked)  and we talked about high school which he says still haunts him and how he wants to move home but his parents keep talking him out of it.  I will readily admit that I like sparring with him...

for example:   yesterday at 3 am his time...

   me:  hmm, we've been chatting a while now I should let you go to 
   him:  maybe I'm not sleepy
   me:  really? ur not flying to Singapore tomorrow?
   him:  nope, I'm going to be working flexibly in KL now.  shouldn't u be at salsa?
   me:  well, I skipped salsa cos someone told me they didn't want a daughter
   him: heavy lunch still tying you down?
   me:  No mark, just enjoying what I'm doing presently
   him:  being
   me:  talking to some idiot in Malaysia
  him:  thought so, right, i'm off to sleep

Heaven help me.  He'll be home in four weeks to decide whether staying here in Nigeria is feasible.  I'm not pushing him either way.  The grown up part of me is happy to see him as who he is now without the cloud of his previous labels of 'good for nothing bad boy won't amount to  anything'  because clearly those labels were all wrong.  Another part of me (the childish part)  is concerned about about what people will say (who knew us both from back then)  if this became something.

We'll see, there's nothing wrong with making friends...

P.S  my girlfriends from after high school know about him and I want him to meet them.... so it's not like I'm hiding him from people lol

So this is why girls slit their wrists sitting by the phone...

I realise that the above heading is a tad dramatic, but it has been a trying week.  I know I am a boring person. Nothing makes me happier than sitting in bed with a good book or watching Family Guy re-runs.  So, when someone suggested to me last week that I should go on a date with her husband's friend I thought, 'why the Hell not'. All I'm doing is working anyway.  I'm at that age where people are beginning to get anxious for me in terms of my singleness. I am 26.

Make an effort young lady.  So I agreed to be set up, I gave this lady my number and she said, 'expect him to call'. No problem.  She also slips in that he's 35/36 or something like that.  I can hear you screaming at the screen! 'Why isn't he married now???? there must be something wrong with him'.  I was raised to have an open mind .  My famed Emma impersonator also mentions that he's a bit wary of Nigerian females bla bla.  I'm more than wary of Nigerian guys my age so I thought, 'What's the worst that can happen?'.

Then I did my research on dating on the Nigerian scene, I read some articles on some websites and stumbled on an AMAZING blog by some chap that goes by the moniker Esco.  He could be my twin brother.  I digress, I got the call on Monday and he seemed nice not overly effusive or anything and he laughed at my jokes (to be fair I can be very funny).  We set up Wednesday as a good day to meet and I'm getting excited. Wednesday comes and he calls to set up time and place and we agree 7 at my salsa club.  He warns me that his bed time is 9ish so the earlier the better.  I don't usually fall asleep till midnight but I shrug it off.  The way I saw it, if he didn't show up then I could have my salsa class and a man's arms around me to get over it, ja! 6.30 comes and he's on Awolowo road at a petrol station which he has been at for a couple of hours and he apologises and says he'll be at the club before 8.  No wahala, I use the opportunity to eat dinner.  By the way, the diet is going very well and weight loss is being achieved!

I usually walk to the club from home, takes about 5 minutes and as I'm walking in, there's a perplexed man in a white shirt, average height looking very lost.  I thought it was him but walked passed him into the club and looked at my phone to make sure that MTN was giving me enough signal to receive a phone call (to be fair that means nothing in this country).  I get the call a couple of minutes later and hey presto! It's the perplexed black man in the white shirt.  I know some people like details so here goes
1.  He double air kisses (which always confuses me)
2. He is dark, like my dad black (like coal lol) and Yoruba (at least my mum will be happy)
3.  He orders a soda water with lots of ice (dunno what to say about that...)
4.  When he relaxes and smiles he has these really cute dimples (score!)
5.  He really likes tuna (don't ask me why this is important it is what it is)
6.  He swims for an hour every morning and weighs himself every morning and goes to the gym
7.  In his words, he can be very anal about orderliness

People who know me would be under the impression that I would jump at the opportunity of someone so darn similar to myself...and it was really easy chatting with him.  Maybe I even imagined some chemistry.  But I am an old fashioned gal, part of me wants fire and passion and another part of me is like, calm down o jere he's a stranger.

He offered to drive me home which was nice, cos I accepted.  I am one of those people who believes you can tell a lot about a person from what they drive (he drives a jeep jeep).  I personally just want a car that moves and has air conditioning cos I am sick and tired of supporting the taxi industry in Victoria Island, I digress.  We get to mine and after finding a parking spot he walks me to my door and we continue chatting about pools and the economy and bla, then who walks up the stairs.... MY MOTHER.  Whom I have told absolutely nothing about me dating anyone Thankfully she behaves like a human being and a brief introduction of names is made and she leaves.  More air kissing and he's off!

It is now Friday people, and he has NOT called.  I will just take it as he's not interested and pat myself on the back that I tried.

and in other news:  I should correct an earlier error, the chap from Malaysia will be in Lagos in December with my ring... not in a couple of weeks and we chat with each other every other day pretty much. I'm not sure what the etiquette is for these things, I have never been in a position to 'juggle' men lol in my life.