The promised Post V day post; Have you considered freezing your eggs?

Hello all,

I hope you survived enforced love day!  Update... he still hasn't called.  I made a meagre attempt at messaging him the following... 'I can take a hint, be good to yourself', and just parked my affections there. Thank the good Lord for the ladies at kickboxing... had a really good session on valentines day.  My brother even got me a box of chocolates.... :) . Bless him I think he must have been feeling sorry for me lol.

Now I have been examining myself for a while now and I figured that other than building a life with someone, one of the other major reasons I want a partner is to make babies.  Not sex... (which is lovely i'm told ), the actual kids part.  I tolerate other people's children.  Let me rephrase that, my friends make beautiful babies and I love them.... I have loved them since I was 21 and the first of my friends jumped ship on us, got married and had a baby.  She is now on her third.  I will be 29 soon and the biological clock is real!  I do not want to end up like those ladies who are running through dating someone just to end up marrying a stranger and getting summarily divorced.  Therefore, I am taking things, sort of into my own hands.  I have decided to start saving towards having my eggs harvested at 35.  Just a few kept away for safekeeping so that if I haven't met my life partner at that point, no biggy, I can continue to live my life, and hopefuly a life filled with serving my fellow man.

I realize that this must seem drastic, but you should humor me.... knowing that I want to do this has calmed me a lot!!!!! I am now, released from the pressure of meeting someone in 1 or 2 years whilst i'm moving country and doing a residency and having children immediately! All so that I can beat father time at a game he never looses.

Till next time, friends.  Oh and lest I forget... no more dating for me.  I'm not built for this sort of heartache.  Just gonna chill.

Yoyo dating, yoyo diet, yoyo everything

I might have mentioned a few posts ago that I have taken up kickboxing. I recommend it to any Lagosian female currently attempting to date in the horror that is Lagos.  I decided to be brave and not shy away from writing a pre-valentine and post-valentine post.  I am not bitter. Honest.

So, after my major bust up with 'the idiot', he has done a major 360 and is super solicitous and nice.  Joker, you have been placed in a secure box.  I wish him well. On your way.

I have been working on my fitness and overall appearance of late.  Wearing more daring colours, more daring necklines etc.  The gradual weight loss has really helped.  Portion control over NYSC and regular exercise.  I haven't given up cake, and the instructor at the gym says that when I do that I will reach the promised land.  I told her I dont want to be saved (crying emoji)!!!!!!!

Now down to the meat. So, looking so fab fab these past few days I have encouraged the affections of some people.  This chap BBd me and we went on 5 dates.  5 consecutive dates over a ten day period.  Forgive me for feeling like he was interested.  Forgive me..... please.  We enjoy each other's company, lots of flirting and hand holding and such. I am not the type to call/ demand calls every day (I am a busy girl dontcha know).  Long story short cos I will have to change the title of this blog when I am finally in a relationship, he stands me up twice and does not feel the need to explain himself. So today is Tuesday and he stood me up on Friday.  He did send a frantic text 'sorry!!!!' and that was it.

Obviously when my mum asks me about him I told her the above and she was dumbfounded. My mum is never silent.  Particularly when it comes to me and dating/ the lack thereof.  I thank you Dr JS for silencing my mother.

Since we've started down this road let's just go crazy!

Fishing nearly happened on Sunday (yesterday), but once again, I had prior plans.

Don't look at me like that... I wish I could tell you these prior plans left me feeling giddy with those first flushes of attraction. No.  That would be lying.

So... I was directly messaged by this chap I follow on the instagram.  I like his pictures, very honest, good appreciation of symmetry etc etc. He also added me on twitter, or did I add him.  Doesn't matter.  We started directly messaging each other.  Good sense of humor, doesn't take himself too seriously, well spoken.  Physical attributes, not bad looking, not the tallest person in Nigeria but as you well know, I am an equal opportunity lover.  We make plans to see Saro the musical (which was the BUSINESS!).  My bestie and I were going to go anyway so it was a safe bet for meeting an absolute stranger.

First impressions?  Shy, super laid back, laughs easily (you would be surprised by how many guys find it difficult to laugh at something that is actually funny).  I would even go as far as to say there was some flirting going on on my end at least during the show.  You know what's coming don't you...  So the show ends and it comes to the time where we part.  He walks me over to the car park and then the most awkward parting ceremony ever to be witnessed by man kind! Was it going to be a hug, a pat, or a semi peck on the cheek.  None happened successfully, so he sort of ran off promising that he would call, or was it that he would message or we would see... I am not even sure anymore.

Where did I go wrong Lord... all he needed to do to salvage the sitation was to send a simple message asking if I got home ok and that he had a nice time.  After which he could loose my number if he wished, block me on twitter, instagram and everything else.

HE DID NOT SEND A TEXT.

I don't have a list of rules I follow regarding this dating malarkey.  Just simply, do unto others as you would like them to do to you.  So what do I do?  The next day, I ask (text)  him if he got home ok and if he had a good time.  He responds immediately with yes and general friendliness.

NO.

I have not calmed down yet so I won't write anymore.  I did manage to call the idiot an idiot to his face today.  As usual he brushed it off as 'this girl and her cray cray'.

Well meaning, but

Suffice to say... fishing did not happen.

Onwards and upwards.  A couple of months ago, a married, scratch that, newly married friend decided to give my number to a male friend of hers who is a 'nice guy'.  I can see you rolling your eyes, let me at least finish the story.  Yes, she gave this man, lets call him B my number and the guy texted me.  He lives out in Saudi Arabia... now you are gufawwing like I don't know this sounds ridiculous.  I live in Nigeria.  Anyways... who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth?  We've been chatting, and he seems honest, God-fearing, family oriented, laid back, we have similar music and even movie tastes... on paper this is all looking kosher.  I told myself I would give him a chance and we made plans to meet when he would be visiting Nigeria in December.  It is now December people and the beauty of the anonymity of this blog is that this is the first place I can tell the truth about what happened.

1.  The week before the date he called me... I thought it was fishing guy... they sound alike! I eventually realised who it was as we'd never talked on the phone before.  We set up a time to meet.  The first meet had to be canceled due to a family emergency.  No problem.

2. Final day of date, he takes Lagos traffic for granted and arrives late at the cinema.  And his breath stank!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He must have eaten something called 'Asun' which is a peppered goat meat concoction that is actually quite tasty, but when you are meeting someone for the first time, NO STRONG SMELLS! Good or otherwise.

3.  Since then we've chatted on and off via text (I'm not having the best of weeks) but he has not called.  More family emergencies.  He isn't lying.  That's just the way it is at the moment.

So how do I feel?  I am not a beleiver in 'sparks' and I confess there were none. With the idiot even when we didn't know each other I knew I was attracted to him, which was why I was giving him a wide berth.  And another thing, we probably won't meet again for him to change his first impression.  And of course, there's the obvious problem.... where would I fit in in the life of a guy who lives in friggin Saudi Arabia. 

If it wasn't my life, I wouldnt believe the things that happen to me either.

Fishing expedition for auction....first time of asking, second time of asking, third?

You probably can't remember this, but a while ago I decided that I was going to go fishing.  Yes, fishing, not for men, not for followers, but for actual honest to goodness, slimy fish.  There are a group of people (I lie, one or two) who fish in Lagos as a hobby and I am going to write about my first experience fishing.  It has already been a failed proposition the first time of asking as I never did get round to meeting up with the lads. Instead I decided to have lunch with by best friend who was very heavily pregnant and getting ready to flee Nigeria, as is the custom for those who can afford it.

The second time of asking, also failed due to the spirit that lives in Lagos known as 'traffic'.  The good men of Lagos have gotten me to the point where I take absolutely everything with two spoons of sugar and some salt.  Why all this heaving and Hoing?... well, there is a boy/ man involved.  We've only talked on the phone a couple of times and let me tell you this... he is uber sexy.  Best part being he laughs heartily and at himself! Meaning my jokes will not go to waste.  We were meant to go out fishing as it were today, but he is supposedly stuck at his factory dealing with contractors and the like.    Well, he could be telling the truth, 2011 author (me) believes that no man that nice sounding on the phone could lie... 2014 author says Meh and smiles.  I make a point of not lying to people... they don't necessarily share my ethos lol.  So... here I am in Cafe Royale whiling away time and hoping that tomorrow... there will be a face and age range attached to said voice and that fish would be caught and it will not rain and I will be my best and charming self.  I am a patient person.

The only girl in the room

When the idea of writing this post came to me yesterday I wasn't in a good way.  I had just had a conversation with the idiot in which as usual he managed to make me feel like I should be happy with the fact that he was 'nearly' the one.  Sometimes men can be ridiculously insensitive.  Then he has the guile to ask me why I would resent him.  I have learned that it is never wise to answer questions like that when you are angry.  You say the wrong thing and end up giving that person power over you. So I bade him a good night and went for a run and did squats and lifted weights.  Yes, that's how upset I was.

Back to the title.  I have realized for a while now that whilst I may know next to nothing about dating, seeing as I have been single for the majority of my adult life (sigh).  I wonder, what would it be like to be with someone who made you feel like you were THE one.  You didn't have to worry that they were looking out for someone who was more intelligent, more beautiful, sexier, easier to show off?  Why?  Because I want to feel that.  It may seem awfully naive, but I do genuinely want to feel that.  I am a confident person, I am happy with the way I look (in my afro, in my weave).  I am not overweight (I struggle with it, but I am not doing too badly), I am an honest, friendly, trustworthy person... these are my affirmations lol.  I find that if you don't remind yourself that you are worthy, then you won't feel unworthy.  I have the confidence of a girl whose faith is close to her heart.  I love my family dearly, but I do want to feel like the only girl in the room.  Maybe that's what happens when this love malarkey feels right.

With the idiot, my feelings are clear, you cannot doubt that I have a thing for him.  But when we are together, because he has never made any positive affirmation of his feelings for me that didn't require prodding... I never feel settled.  I should just be smart about this, cos I am not getting younger.  There's absolutely no point getting emotionally pummeled for nothing.  The sad part is that when I get upset with him he will spit out how much HIS life has improved by knowing me... then I think to myself, well my life has worsened by knowing you.  But I am too well bred to give him that statement in anger.

So whilst we wish, we wait. I don't think I am asking for too much.  Or maybe, I am.  Don't I deserve to be the only girl in the room?

Well, isn't that the truth!

I have been lazy, there, I said it.  But I have excuses! I've spent the majority of the year in Cross river attempting to get my youth service certificate.  Please note that I didn't say, doing my youth service.  That would be gilding the lilly. For the poor soul who is non-Nigerian and is wondering what on earth I am going on about... this is a period of just under a year that every post graduate Nigerian undertakes to serve the nation.  I could do posts and posts about youth service, so I will just pace myself.  Till then, a short summary of what's been going on since february (SHEESH!!!!).

1.  I WENT AND FELL IN LOVE

Like a silly bird I went and fell for someone.  But in typical fashion, it is fraught with drama and I remain merrily single.  I also learned an awful lot about the dating scene in my beloved land and read a lot of quality nigerian blogs over the year and realized that I have been lazy!  In my defense internet access was very poor.

2.  I MAKE POOR CHOICES WHEN I'M LONELY

Yes, yes I am well human.  I spent a lot of time by myself this year studying for professional exams, and avoiding a certain someone who has given me stress and caused me to 'blow a lot of grammar', chastising myself about my feelings for him.  Basically, I was a mess.  A dignified mess.  Instead of crying and begging him to love me, I left him alone and ate pounded yam and joined the gym and listened to more Olafur Arnalds.  But then...a random distraction in the form of a very cute guy for whom I do not have feelings nearly made me compromise certain things, cough, cough on the basis that I definitely didn't need it at my age. Ha! the joker. Twas a close call.

3. I AM BACK IN LAGOS JUST IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS!

I know where I am at now, and I feel like I am ready to write again.  There is nothing better than knowing that you are enough.  Warts and all.