Chasing Candy

So I have discovered a pattern.

I only ever fall for fellas I know I can't have. It's frightfully inconvenient and I need a cure.

Maybe it stems from not being allowed to eat candy as a kid. Well to be fair I don't even like candy now... However give me a guy who is sexy, imaginative and with some good reason why we can't be together ( e.g. A girlfriend, distance, age disparity) and hey presto I'm a flirting away happily till the penny drops. Well this time I exercised restraint. I did not take his number. His sexy self can stay exactly where he is so I can see straight. 

And in other news I have registered for youth service. 

So... what's wrong with this picture?

Maybe this blog needs more visual aids... I have learned a few things recently, and I must say I am getting a little worried or even more cynical about the possibility of this whole magic love malarkey.
If I hear one more story about a seemingly normal couple where she ends up being beaten black and blue and just 'taking' it because of the black star on one's reputation, then I don't know.  Are we breeding a generation of miscreants, egotistical maniacs and utterly selfish sons?

Why do seemingly normal guys from supposedly good homes feel the need to assert themselves on the women they supposedly love. Where are we going wrong?  Is there something 'missing' from the building of these boys that makes them faulty men?  I have been blessed to be raised by two people who although imperfect, love each other very much.  I have a brother, and I imagine that the way he treats his sisters and mother is a good indication of how he will treat the lady he decides to marry.... if that day ever comes (he is very, how do I say this...short attention span).  I am not of the mind that it is absolutely necessary for a child to be in a two parent family to turn out ok. Some of the most messed up people I have ever met, were raised by two parents.  However, children are all about learned behavior .. these damaged boys must have learned that they had to assert themselves physically or verbally from someone, whether at home, or with extended family or television or the internet ....

I am mentioning all this because my ex is supposedly in anger management.  I have met his family and granted they were on their best behavior .. but I couldn't really suss what the dynamic was with his parents. His father seemed quiet but I am told could blow up and be quite harsh verbally, whilst his mother although a 'saint', can be quite fierce.  Everyone who knows how ugly his messages to me became when we broke up has warned me fairly vehemently not to consider getting back together with him.  They are concerned that I have Stockholm syndrome, that I enjoy the berating.  I must admit that I have had difficulty stopping talking to him.  75 percent of me knows that we can not get back together, and the other bit thinks he can change. I must be a foolish girl, and if I make the mistake of getting back together with him, they will all say... 'I told you so'.  I could not bare that.  Besides, who wants to be with someone who says 'Am home' instead of 'I am home' anyway?

Requiem

At the cost of sounding a wee bit even more dramatic than usual... The deed is done. The ship sunk, goodbye my baby doll and what have you. He did it again and as promised I am not taking SHIT from someone who proclaims that he loves me. I will not be a prisoner to wanting to NOT be single. When he was good and treated me well things were fine, but I will not be messed with.

What happened I hear you say? He disappeared again for two days and after copious messages I not only got accused of selfishness, but also of not caring about what happens to him. After a torrent of abuse (directed towards me btw) turns out he had been in some sort of Rta and had made some mistakes at work. All he had to do was say he had had a rough few days, but no...it was effing this and effing that.

Meh, a week later his mother asks me what's up... And I tell her that her son speaks to me in a way I can't repeat in public. She tells me to calm down in essence and be patient with him. 

I know full well I will never go back to him.  Funny thing is everyone assumes I was over reacting. Even my mother and best friends... Once they read the messages he sent me, words like 'sociopath' and 'anger issues', 'deep seated insecurity' and 'immaturity' get thrown about.

Vodka, icecream, chocolate, prayer and lots of psychological thrillers later. I am fine, actually lost some weight, woop! And the idiot knows he can't call me.

When love becomes a full time job

I haven't written in a while because my relationship has been a mess to put it mildly. Had to delete an earlier post cos if by some miracle this relationship works out, I don't think he would forgive me for what I said. That aside, I miss the first four weeks of our togetherness. I miss the excitement in his voice when he heard mine. I miss the genuine concern about wanting to know how I felt no matter how stupid it was. Girls and boys are drastically different. I challenge any boy that says he loves a girl who won't run into the issue of his girl not feeling loved anymore.

I am reading the marriage book by the Lees. I asked the young man to buy himself a copy so we would do it together and be told me in essence that it was a waste of money for us to own two copies SMH!. Ps. He is the one who has been pushing for a quick marriage. I feel we are just not ready for it. The biggish issue being at the moment we are just not communicating effectively. He feels like I have given up on the relationship , and to be honest I have called it quits twice in recent weeks. And I feel like he isn't taking anything I say seriously. I don't feel like he loves me. Surely if he did he wouldn't talk to me in an underhanded fashion? I am being more patient with him than I have been with any single soul I have not been related to. I just hope I am not wasting my time ... Cos if he says another offhanded comment, I don't know what I'll do. And I don't care if I've met his parents or not... I won't be in a doomed marriage. Heaven forbid.

Be still! These Chocolate cravings

I must sincerely apologize to the lovely faithful who read this blog for a severe absence....Life has been kicking me around and I have been developing stronger defenses.

At the moment I'm stuck in a bit of a weird place where I am actually earning money, but nowhere near enough to achieve a level of what I like to call 'peace and quiet'.  One takes an awful lot for granted when living in the West.  You don't have to own a car, you can afford a room somewhere within three hours of where you work (you don't need a house, or a driver, or a generator).  Living in Nigeria as a young person in an unforgiving profession is expensive.  It seems everyone and their goat would like to work for an oil company so that a modicum of independence can be afforded to them.  As an unmarried female, who's parents are still in love and actually talking to each other (yes, broken marriages exist everywhere people), you realize two things:

1.  You can make absolutely NO decisions where the direction of the tide in the family goes, from simple things like travel arrangements to bigger things like... oh let's move to the middle of nowhere so that I'll spend 4 hours plus in traffic everyday to get to work. (btw I am supposed to be studying for professional exams... more on that later) and,

2.  It is very easy to be blamed for all the decisions that DO get taken because obviously, you poor singleton have to still be taken into consideration when these grand plans do occur.

As someone who has always had an independent streak, playing referee and mute at the same time is exhausting.  Praying for silence is a daily task dears, a daily task. However, I have two holidays and potentially three holidays to look forward to this year :)  considering I haven't been on one in two years plus, this is a very welcome addition to what may be a very exciting 2013...

and in other news.... Mark is coming to town again in 22 days, yikes and things are going very well.  I keep pinching myself.  For some unknown reason, he wants me to reach out to our old classmates so that we can 'meet up' as a couple... in my mind that is just inviting kerosene to a fire.  We'll see

Oh, and I have been day dreaming about chocolate ofr 48 hours.... I don't want to get chubby again, heaven help me I work next to a patisserie!

40 days and 40 nights

Happy New Year!

For some reason I decided to watch the farce that is 40 days and 40 nights again.  The first time I watched it I was 15 and in boarding school, and Josh Hartnett was the best thing to happen to female kind since well, Heath Ledger (may his soul rest in peace).  This was just before Orlando Bloom took over as the reigning male heart throb extra-ordinaire.  Man, I digress! sorry.  The premise of the movie is that this chap is meant to go without sex or anything related to sex for the aforementioned period of time and just as he commits to this vow, he meets his love interest. (Cue dramatic music)

Why am I thinking about this fellow's problems.... well, I know that everyone and their dog is getting it on whenever they want and hopefully wearing a condom.  This would be fine, but they also seem to always want to be sharing their exploits in one way or another with the rest of us, which is not fair or helpful.   Some of us (and this number dwindles with every passing minute of the day) have vowed to wait for marriage (and before you ask, that includes oral sex....)  I could go on and on about the responses I have had to endure when this little bit of information pops up in conversation, but I'll stick to a few instead:

Some are convinced it is due to  my lack of opportunity (so, not true, come on, it would be easier for you to just call me ugly to my face!)

Some feel earnestly that I am broken or damaged somehow.... (maybe I am, but not due to lack of sexual activity, I can assure you).

Some are concerned that I will not know what to do when the time comes or that it won't be good (my response usually is, I am sure I don't know what I am missing, and I can assure you I will work extremely hard with my husband to make sure that it is good... I have always been an overachiever)

Some feel I am just trying to be holier than thou. (Trust me, I am not holy, I am not running around like Josh Hartnett seeing naked men everywhere lol, but I do agree with protecting yourself from unnecessary items that can and will turn you on... case in point, certain episodes of True Blood... my mind is twisted, I already said so)

I know I complained about this in an earlier post...'Celibacy and raining' but there is now a newish issue.  When I wrote that post I was single and not attracted to anyone in particular. Well, Mark and I have resolved our differences for now (he didn't die and it's a long story for another day), and heaven help me I do think he's incredibly hot, sigh (fans herself cos it's warm all of a sudden), and funny, and kind and sexy and cute...

I'd better get back to studying, need all the distractions I can get.