'Mindin ma own business'

Typical Tuesday?  Not.
There I was, minding my own business when all of a sudden I hear a beep beep from my computer screen.  I am not someone that facebook chats very often with people.  I find it a tad restricting.  I'd rather skype or whatsapp. Anyhoo, who is it?  A long forgotten I couldn't really call him a friend because we were never really friends or an acquaintance cos I saw him 5 days a week for 5 years minus summer holidays and winter breaks.  An old classmate, yes.  To memory he was not off putting to look at but he was troubled.  I mentioned in an earlier post that I was bullied in high-school; well he was one of my tormentors (and he was bullied worse than me).  I was always too busy with my own misery to pay him any mind.  I remember he was expelled and went off to Canada or something.  Turns out he was fairly brilliant and did great in Canada and  is working for a multinational in Malaysia.  All lovely things.  You are wondering now, what on earth this has to do with my chronic singledom.  Well I just spent 8 hours chatting with this fellow. Received the obligatory proposal (I am just that charming, and Nigerian boys taunt us girls with these gems when we know they are not serious).  We talked about all sorts of things.  It was the first time he'd talked about himself in ages. particularly about the painful things.  He apologised to me, again.  (He called me out of the blue 3 years ago in London) and he's forgiven.  It always amazes me how kids can be the cruelest creatures when unsupervised.

He says he's smitten, he says he'll be in a Lagos in a few days bearing gifts (and my engagement ring).  I told him to buy me a drink first and we'll go from there.

Raining and 'Celibacy' or being without

So, apparently a very good looking Seventh Day Adventist lay preacher, prayerfully maintained his celibacy (for ten whole years) afore marrying the girl of his dreams.  It's raining outside and well I'm a little uncomfortable...happens every time it rains.  The whole needing a warm body thing.  Anyone who tells you that remaining 'without' and being single whilst everyone around you seems to be ecstatically happy NOT, is lying through their chicken teeth.

I'm not complaining, it's just that when I had a nice little fellowship group in blighty (before everyone upped and got married), there were people sharing my discomfort.  We'd chair activities, we'd plan outings, anything really to fill the time without.  Naturally, praying for each other helped.  But, I am an adult and I can be frank without being coarse.  It is not funny sometimes...being without in isolation is hard.  It doesn't help that I am a health care professional and on some days all I do is talk about everyone's activity.  The reformed playboy I mentioned last week didn't believe I had never been with.  I don't go around shouting it to people and trust me, I am not squeamish about other people's activities, maybe that's why everyone's convinced I am hiding some hot number under my bed.

Salsa has been helping...and my diet is going well, 2kilo's down wooohoo! Might pick up baking again, saw the most amazing recipe for caramel apple crumble. (This is how I got fat in the first place, sigh)

In other news,   It's still raining outside...

Unexpected

Sometimes, wisdom comes from the most unexpected sources.  I can mouth off on my lap top quite happily but it seems I have not been able to 'mouth off' about myself enough to the most significant people in my life.  The biggest one being my mother.  I don't know how other people 'cope' with their mothers cos I don't have many cousins or a vast extended family like some of my friends do.  For Nigerian standards you could say, we are quite a small family.  On the face of it, we are ridiculously crazy when all put together.  We know each others likes and dislikes and are generally quite witty.

However, growing up it was re-inforced or numerous occasions that having conversations with my mother about my feelings or the male gender would not be taken well.  I know enough psychobabble to rationalise the reasons why she found this difficult.  And of course, as a Christian, Christ first, others second always.  Still it has meant that when or if I am hurting about this whole singleness and life malarkey, she is the last person I would talk to.  She is loving, out going, warm, charming, there are not enough positives to use to describe her.  But, this is where her shortcoming is.  It has meant that I internalize an awful lot.  Internalizing/ processing as I like to call it, upsets my mother.  She just gets frustrated that she doesn't know what I am thinking. Instead of asking neutrally, she gets angry and vocally so and that makes me retreat more.... vicious cycle eh?

The reason I go on about this is that a semi - reformed play boy gave me the most level-headed advice I have heard about how to tackle this (I'll let you know if I survive).  Nigerians would tell you to pray about it, and trust me... I am 26 and have been a Christian for 12 years, I have prayed about it.  It will require sacrifice (everything does) but what is love, if not sacrifice!  Baby steps.

In other news, my Audi is getting air conditioning!!!!! translation... broke :(

For the love of Pete's dead aunt

There are a few things lacking on this side of the sphere.  One of the biggest ones is 'customer service'.  Africa has enjoyed a sizable communications boom in the last ten years, not least in the vast city of Lagos.  You would think that this would improve the customer experience...er nope.

A couple of months ago, I ordered Chinese from somewhere I had not ordered from in ages.  I can actually see their restaurant from my house (which should give you an idea of how close it is).  3 hours later and multiple phone calls about a dispatch rider getting lost or not being able to find my street bla bla, the chap arrives.  No apology, no extra drink or crisps, he says to me 'madam your house no easy find oh!'  Before I reason out why he may or may not have been hampered by anything.  If you run a delivery business that has a 1 mile ,  I repeat, 1 mile radius (2km for the Americans ish)  SURELY you should know what streets are near by.  My mother was upset that I paid for the meal and said she would have told him to return to his restaurant.  I was just hungry so I let it go and ate my bland rice.  Never ordering from them again.

So today, when I ordered a meal at 12pm and was told it would be with me in 35mins, I was cautiously optimistic it would get here.  I work on a fairly well known street, and the restaurant is less than a mile away from me.  12.45 comes and no  food, 1pm comes and no food.  I call the place and the lady is utterly unhelpful.  'where is the dispatch rider?', I ask. No response.  'Can you hear me?' and she says 'Yes ma, he left since'.  When you have a disgruntled customer, you're supposed to say things like, Oh, I don't know what is happening, sorry, let me call him and get back to you.  My lunch break ended at 1pm so I sneakily asked one of the security guys to get me fast food :(  And I have now broken my diet, tada!

Then the food gets here at 1:15 and I tell the chap that I had called the restaurant and canceled the order.  He had the guile to be snippy at the receptionist!  Tail between legs he returned to base and I get another phone call at 1.30 from the manager of the restaurant who says 'madam, now the cost of the meal will have to be on me'.  Once again, no apology, no pre-amble, no incentivisation.  In my head I am thinking ' you can bloody well sod off!'  In reality, I say, ' well I am sorry to hear that, but my lunch break is now over and I waited for over an hour to get the food, clearly the dispatch rider was able to get to you in under 15 minutes to tell you what happened...'

I do not have a degree in marketing or customer relations, but I have done my fare share of waiting tables and restaurant work (I even worked at the famous Goring where Princess Katherine stayed before the wedding, brilliant friendly place!).  If at any point they seemed remorseful, I would have taken the food.  But when all you are concerned about is that you will have to pay for a meal I have not eaten! Nah.  Fool me once, shame on me.  Fool me twice and well....

In other news, the texting American may be in town soon.  Watch this space.
(and I have violated my anonymity pact by using the above title for this post. Anyone who knows me knows I say that a lot)

Teapot, meet Kettle

So, I may have calmed down a little bit since yesterday.  I say a little cos I am still reasonably agitated.  I used to be a chilled out person, honestly I was.  I should have titled this post, ' After fighting with a taximan, finding out your house is flooded and that the person hitting on your beloved was hired by your office, what do you do?'

My bestie and I are not having a good week.  You've probably realized that I'm a little of a control freak (I admit it)  and I am getting used to being somewhere where absolutely nothing is under your control.  No matter how much you pay NEPA (the power company) you won't have electricity.  No matter how much you much personal space you want, as long as you are living with your parents and female... life sucks for you.  Basically, my bestie is in between drivers at the moment and is getting a taxi from the Island to the mainland every day for work.  Being German, she is a stickler for time and probably crazier than me.  She gets home and not only is there no power, her entire flat is under water.  Poor thing just sat on the stairs and cried.  Why didn't she call me?  Well, she's as stubborn as I am and decided to 'power through'.  To add insult to injury, a girl who I have actually witnessed hitting on her chap as in seriously going to town... is now in the employ of her office.

The parents have decided to move away from where I can see the ocean.  And as I am between cars (read, car-less) This is going to be an epic change from the way I live.  It's not their fault, to be honest.  They are the ones paying the rent.  If I was earning enough to live where I wanted.... then I would.  I say this, knowing my mother would never allow her unmarried daughter to live on her own/ with friends.  But that is another story for another day. 

What is the solution for a week that sucks?  SALSA!  Seriously... bestie and I went salsa dancing yesterday, which was fantastic.  A solid two hours of girating and me trying not to fall over, but it was fun!
And if that doesn't work for pumping the endorphins and making you feel better.... teapot, meet kettle.  As an old friend used to say, if a cup of tea won't help, pray.

In other news:  Got a random message from an on and off American, and I am doing really well keeping away from 'ahem'

Personal War 3

Maybe it comes from being bullied for the formative years of my life, or maybe it comes from my ineffable personality, but there is some crap I will not take.

Our culture is one of deference.  We defer to everyone who is older, we defer to males.  The hierarchy goes thus...older male, older females, married men, married females, ALL men, then a single female. As a single, unmarried female I am clearly at the bottom rung on the ladder of people that should be taken seriously.  I have, fortunately been allowed to mature outside the shores of this lovely land.  And as such, I have taken for granted that my voice is important and should be heard.  If I have an objection to something (NOTE not someone), I make my views clear.  I lay them all out on the table so that there is no ambiguity about where I stand.  Apparently according to the the males in my house, I might as well be a turd.  Also, any airing of any view is seen as complete hostility. Kill me now, why don't you!!!!!!!!!

I give up.  I am not giving up my voice by the way.  I am not a child.  I give up caring... cos clearly, me caring means that I am being emotional and I need to be told to calm down.

In other news, I need to give up the dark one, sigh.  I am honorable (I keep telling myself).