Let's be friends and other lies you've been told

So in the usual manner, things didn't work out with Mr EPic. Oh I genuinely had hope this time, I mean, there was even a part two of Epic weekend where we had more dinners, saw another show and did lots of other seemingly romantic things.

I should add a disclaimer, there was no kissing or hand holding and after a while I got a very strong friend zone vibe... Ah well you can't blame a girl for trying. I had a wee cry, got a little upset and gave myself a good talking to.

Basically, he has decided that I am not worth the effort of a 6 month long distance relationship. Or maybe he has, he has not related this to me. Which is fine I guess. What isn't fine is that he wants us to be friends and carry on like there was no attraction between us at all. I am very sorry but I am not a robot! I can't just switch off my emotions because you can't be bothered to flatter me with your attentions.

So in summary, I will not be calling Mr Epic, but I will be responding to his calls and / texts if he bothers. You can't have your cake and eat it.

Besides I am going back on my fast...no more, no more .

Words to epic weekend

So, dear 5 readers on the inter web, I think I've gone and done it this time! So I was minding my own business a few weeks ago and my ex invited me to his family's place in jersey ... Calm down, calm down..... Calm down!  

I would need to do three posts to explain why I could never be with my ex again. In summary he is a nice person, but I wouldn't trust him with anything.

So where was I. We were picked up from the station by a nice young man who happens to be my exe's cousin who apparently lived with them in Nigeria back in the day. I had zero recollection of him. As expected. By the end of the weekend it was clear that they were not cut of the same cloth and I took his number and promised to force him down to Brooklyn for his birthday weekend. 

1. He has male friends... Who threw him a party the weekend before epic weekend.

2. He found out my fave movie and booked the show on Broadway for us

3. I don't have to force him to volunteer information about himself 

4.  He is patient and kind without being sickly sweet.

5. I love the sound of his voice. This gentl e lilting, giggling thing .

6 I could list his qualities all day but, he has a strange attachment to this Zelda belt (which is cute, but it's an awful belt)

I have it bad... We walked, we ate, we talked, we flirted, we churched, we saw a show. I'm actually terrified of how much I like this guy. Which as you know is probably a disaster waiting to happen . Tears.

Epic epic epic... Did I say epic, weekend!

Define Awkward

Since my last post, there have been developments and there have been developments. Manwhore has become even more unattractive as the weeks have progressed. I attended a party with him and the girlfriend (you know, the big one who's super bossy) and had a great time! Mostly because another friend of manwhore's who he hasn't slept with was there. An absolutely lovely girl who I've become good friends with.

Turns out that I am not the only one who thinks that manwhore needs to grow up. And not only regarding his inability to remain single and develop male friendships. Our other flatmate who I have a minor crush on thinks and I quote 'manwhore is a nice guy, but it's difficult to plan anything social in advance with him'.  

Earlier in the week I saw Olafur Arnalds in Kiasmos which was beyond amazing . Turns out that my crush also loves Olafur. But that is not my story. On that day the concert ended at about 1130 so in my mind the J would turn up and I'd be in Bed Stuy by midnight. wRONG!!!!!! Waited for the train for over an hour and got home at after 1 am. You would have thought that my ex bestie (manwhore) would have texted to find out if I was ok, seeing as he was actually home and I never go out late on a the weeday...But no. So I may have said something a little catty to him the next morning. 

I stewed on my reaction to his behavior all day and decided that it wasn't worth the emotion I was bringing to it. Clearly he doesn't pay much mind to my well being and I need to be a big girl and take care of myself (as usual). I don't think our friendship will ever be the same since I found out that he is actually married.... 

I'll let you try and figure that one out.

Open letter to my favorite manwhore

Right.  I have not written in eons because as usual life has been tossing me all over the place whilst happening!  I am currently living with my ex from a million years ago for a few months.  You may remember him as the 'whore' from the earlier posts... You know... the one who was dating 'big tits girl'. Anyway, he (and I now), live in New York. Yay!

So when I mentioned to my girlfriends what the living situation for my trip to NYC was, they all jumped to the conclusion that somehow I would end up in the young man's bed. And/ fall in love with the fool.  Dear readers it took me a week to come to the conclusion that the above forementioned will NEVER happen. 

In the four weeks that we have cohabited I have met 4 of his girlfriends/ ex girlfriends whom he is currently on excellent terms with. They come over to watch TV, use the printer, he helps them with their taxes... (they are all caucasian but that is by the by).  I have known the blaguard since we were in diapers so even my brief dalliance with him was very very measured.  Do not get me wrong, I love the man to death.  But our nethers will not be meeting in the nearest future. 

Since we parted, I have been, as you know, unsuccessful in my pursuit of a life partner and he has taken an alternative course. In that he has shagged his way through the 5 borros.  I can love you and not need herpes and he isn't my type (read, he is not Michiel Huisman).  I find it interesting though that although we are still great friends, brother and sister to anyone's eyes, he may feel that I don't approve of his general behaviour.  I did some thinking about this and I think what it is is that whilst I am more or less used to being 'on my own'; I've never had a 'we' situation going on to be honest, he has always had 'someone' since we broke up 11 years ago.  The sort of fear being with someone would bring to me (and it is something I do want btw), he has never experienced. Basically, he would be terriffied of being single.  This explains why he attempted to break up with his current girlfriend and failed.  The break up didn't make it to 48 hours without him staying over.  Then there was the 'it's complicated' phase and now has come acceptance.

So dear relatives and friends who were hoping we would get back together, read my lips.  I don't want herpes.

The promised Post V day post; Have you considered freezing your eggs?

Hello all,

I hope you survived enforced love day!  Update... he still hasn't called.  I made a meagre attempt at messaging him the following... 'I can take a hint, be good to yourself', and just parked my affections there. Thank the good Lord for the ladies at kickboxing... had a really good session on valentines day.  My brother even got me a box of chocolates.... :) . Bless him I think he must have been feeling sorry for me lol.

Now I have been examining myself for a while now and I figured that other than building a life with someone, one of the other major reasons I want a partner is to make babies.  Not sex... (which is lovely i'm told ), the actual kids part.  I tolerate other people's children.  Let me rephrase that, my friends make beautiful babies and I love them.... I have loved them since I was 21 and the first of my friends jumped ship on us, got married and had a baby.  She is now on her third.  I will be 29 soon and the biological clock is real!  I do not want to end up like those ladies who are running through dating someone just to end up marrying a stranger and getting summarily divorced.  Therefore, I am taking things, sort of into my own hands.  I have decided to start saving towards having my eggs harvested at 35.  Just a few kept away for safekeeping so that if I haven't met my life partner at that point, no biggy, I can continue to live my life, and hopefuly a life filled with serving my fellow man.

I realize that this must seem drastic, but you should humor me.... knowing that I want to do this has calmed me a lot!!!!! I am now, released from the pressure of meeting someone in 1 or 2 years whilst i'm moving country and doing a residency and having children immediately! All so that I can beat father time at a game he never looses.

Till next time, friends.  Oh and lest I forget... no more dating for me.  I'm not built for this sort of heartache.  Just gonna chill.

Yoyo dating, yoyo diet, yoyo everything

I might have mentioned a few posts ago that I have taken up kickboxing. I recommend it to any Lagosian female currently attempting to date in the horror that is Lagos.  I decided to be brave and not shy away from writing a pre-valentine and post-valentine post.  I am not bitter. Honest.

So, after my major bust up with 'the idiot', he has done a major 360 and is super solicitous and nice.  Joker, you have been placed in a secure box.  I wish him well. On your way.

I have been working on my fitness and overall appearance of late.  Wearing more daring colours, more daring necklines etc.  The gradual weight loss has really helped.  Portion control over NYSC and regular exercise.  I haven't given up cake, and the instructor at the gym says that when I do that I will reach the promised land.  I told her I dont want to be saved (crying emoji)!!!!!!!

Now down to the meat. So, looking so fab fab these past few days I have encouraged the affections of some people.  This chap BBd me and we went on 5 dates.  5 consecutive dates over a ten day period.  Forgive me for feeling like he was interested.  Forgive me..... please.  We enjoy each other's company, lots of flirting and hand holding and such. I am not the type to call/ demand calls every day (I am a busy girl dontcha know).  Long story short cos I will have to change the title of this blog when I am finally in a relationship, he stands me up twice and does not feel the need to explain himself. So today is Tuesday and he stood me up on Friday.  He did send a frantic text 'sorry!!!!' and that was it.

Obviously when my mum asks me about him I told her the above and she was dumbfounded. My mum is never silent.  Particularly when it comes to me and dating/ the lack thereof.  I thank you Dr JS for silencing my mother.