Unexpected

Sometimes, wisdom comes from the most unexpected sources.  I can mouth off on my lap top quite happily but it seems I have not been able to 'mouth off' about myself enough to the most significant people in my life.  The biggest one being my mother.  I don't know how other people 'cope' with their mothers cos I don't have many cousins or a vast extended family like some of my friends do.  For Nigerian standards you could say, we are quite a small family.  On the face of it, we are ridiculously crazy when all put together.  We know each others likes and dislikes and are generally quite witty.

However, growing up it was re-inforced or numerous occasions that having conversations with my mother about my feelings or the male gender would not be taken well.  I know enough psychobabble to rationalise the reasons why she found this difficult.  And of course, as a Christian, Christ first, others second always.  Still it has meant that when or if I am hurting about this whole singleness and life malarkey, she is the last person I would talk to.  She is loving, out going, warm, charming, there are not enough positives to use to describe her.  But, this is where her shortcoming is.  It has meant that I internalize an awful lot.  Internalizing/ processing as I like to call it, upsets my mother.  She just gets frustrated that she doesn't know what I am thinking. Instead of asking neutrally, she gets angry and vocally so and that makes me retreat more.... vicious cycle eh?

The reason I go on about this is that a semi - reformed play boy gave me the most level-headed advice I have heard about how to tackle this (I'll let you know if I survive).  Nigerians would tell you to pray about it, and trust me... I am 26 and have been a Christian for 12 years, I have prayed about it.  It will require sacrifice (everything does) but what is love, if not sacrifice!  Baby steps.

In other news, my Audi is getting air conditioning!!!!! translation... broke :(