Epic epic epic... Did I say epic, weekend!

Define Awkward

Since my last post, there have been developments and there have been developments. Manwhore has become even more unattractive as the weeks have progressed. I attended a party with him and the girlfriend (you know, the big one who's super bossy) and had a great time! Mostly because another friend of manwhore's who he hasn't slept with was there. An absolutely lovely girl who I've become good friends with.

Turns out that I am not the only one who thinks that manwhore needs to grow up. And not only regarding his inability to remain single and develop male friendships. Our other flatmate who I have a minor crush on thinks and I quote 'manwhore is a nice guy, but it's difficult to plan anything social in advance with him'.  

Earlier in the week I saw Olafur Arnalds in Kiasmos which was beyond amazing . Turns out that my crush also loves Olafur. But that is not my story. On that day the concert ended at about 1130 so in my mind the J would turn up and I'd be in Bed Stuy by midnight. wRONG!!!!!! Waited for the train for over an hour and got home at after 1 am. You would have thought that my ex bestie (manwhore) would have texted to find out if I was ok, seeing as he was actually home and I never go out late on a the weeday...But no. So I may have said something a little catty to him the next morning. 

I stewed on my reaction to his behavior all day and decided that it wasn't worth the emotion I was bringing to it. Clearly he doesn't pay much mind to my well being and I need to be a big girl and take care of myself (as usual). I don't think our friendship will ever be the same since I found out that he is actually married.... 

I'll let you try and figure that one out.

Open letter to my favorite manwhore

Right.  I have not written in eons because as usual life has been tossing me all over the place whilst happening!  I am currently living with my ex from a million years ago for a few months.  You may remember him as the 'whore' from the earlier posts... You know... the one who was dating 'big tits girl'. Anyway, he (and I now), live in New York. Yay!

So when I mentioned to my girlfriends what the living situation for my trip to NYC was, they all jumped to the conclusion that somehow I would end up in the young man's bed. And/ fall in love with the fool.  Dear readers it took me a week to come to the conclusion that the above forementioned will NEVER happen. 

In the four weeks that we have cohabited I have met 4 of his girlfriends/ ex girlfriends whom he is currently on excellent terms with. They come over to watch TV, use the printer, he helps them with their taxes... (they are all caucasian but that is by the by).  I have known the blaguard since we were in diapers so even my brief dalliance with him was very very measured.  Do not get me wrong, I love the man to death.  But our nethers will not be meeting in the nearest future. 

Since we parted, I have been, as you know, unsuccessful in my pursuit of a life partner and he has taken an alternative course. In that he has shagged his way through the 5 borros.  I can love you and not need herpes and he isn't my type (read, he is not Michiel Huisman).  I find it interesting though that although we are still great friends, brother and sister to anyone's eyes, he may feel that I don't approve of his general behaviour.  I did some thinking about this and I think what it is is that whilst I am more or less used to being 'on my own'; I've never had a 'we' situation going on to be honest, he has always had 'someone' since we broke up 11 years ago.  The sort of fear being with someone would bring to me (and it is something I do want btw), he has never experienced. Basically, he would be terriffied of being single.  This explains why he attempted to break up with his current girlfriend and failed.  The break up didn't make it to 48 hours without him staying over.  Then there was the 'it's complicated' phase and now has come acceptance.

So dear relatives and friends who were hoping we would get back together, read my lips.  I don't want herpes.

The promised Post V day post; Have you considered freezing your eggs?

Hello all,

I hope you survived enforced love day!  Update... he still hasn't called.  I made a meagre attempt at messaging him the following... 'I can take a hint, be good to yourself', and just parked my affections there. Thank the good Lord for the ladies at kickboxing... had a really good session on valentines day.  My brother even got me a box of chocolates.... :) . Bless him I think he must have been feeling sorry for me lol.

Now I have been examining myself for a while now and I figured that other than building a life with someone, one of the other major reasons I want a partner is to make babies.  Not sex... (which is lovely i'm told ), the actual kids part.  I tolerate other people's children.  Let me rephrase that, my friends make beautiful babies and I love them.... I have loved them since I was 21 and the first of my friends jumped ship on us, got married and had a baby.  She is now on her third.  I will be 29 soon and the biological clock is real!  I do not want to end up like those ladies who are running through dating someone just to end up marrying a stranger and getting summarily divorced.  Therefore, I am taking things, sort of into my own hands.  I have decided to start saving towards having my eggs harvested at 35.  Just a few kept away for safekeeping so that if I haven't met my life partner at that point, no biggy, I can continue to live my life, and hopefuly a life filled with serving my fellow man.

I realize that this must seem drastic, but you should humor me.... knowing that I want to do this has calmed me a lot!!!!! I am now, released from the pressure of meeting someone in 1 or 2 years whilst i'm moving country and doing a residency and having children immediately! All so that I can beat father time at a game he never looses.

Till next time, friends.  Oh and lest I forget... no more dating for me.  I'm not built for this sort of heartache.  Just gonna chill.

Yoyo dating, yoyo diet, yoyo everything

I might have mentioned a few posts ago that I have taken up kickboxing. I recommend it to any Lagosian female currently attempting to date in the horror that is Lagos.  I decided to be brave and not shy away from writing a pre-valentine and post-valentine post.  I am not bitter. Honest.

So, after my major bust up with 'the idiot', he has done a major 360 and is super solicitous and nice.  Joker, you have been placed in a secure box.  I wish him well. On your way.

I have been working on my fitness and overall appearance of late.  Wearing more daring colours, more daring necklines etc.  The gradual weight loss has really helped.  Portion control over NYSC and regular exercise.  I haven't given up cake, and the instructor at the gym says that when I do that I will reach the promised land.  I told her I dont want to be saved (crying emoji)!!!!!!!

Now down to the meat. So, looking so fab fab these past few days I have encouraged the affections of some people.  This chap BBd me and we went on 5 dates.  5 consecutive dates over a ten day period.  Forgive me for feeling like he was interested.  Forgive me..... please.  We enjoy each other's company, lots of flirting and hand holding and such. I am not the type to call/ demand calls every day (I am a busy girl dontcha know).  Long story short cos I will have to change the title of this blog when I am finally in a relationship, he stands me up twice and does not feel the need to explain himself. So today is Tuesday and he stood me up on Friday.  He did send a frantic text 'sorry!!!!' and that was it.

Obviously when my mum asks me about him I told her the above and she was dumbfounded. My mum is never silent.  Particularly when it comes to me and dating/ the lack thereof.  I thank you Dr JS for silencing my mother.

Since we've started down this road let's just go crazy!

Fishing nearly happened on Sunday (yesterday), but once again, I had prior plans.

Don't look at me like that... I wish I could tell you these prior plans left me feeling giddy with those first flushes of attraction. No.  That would be lying.

So... I was directly messaged by this chap I follow on the instagram.  I like his pictures, very honest, good appreciation of symmetry etc etc. He also added me on twitter, or did I add him.  Doesn't matter.  We started directly messaging each other.  Good sense of humor, doesn't take himself too seriously, well spoken.  Physical attributes, not bad looking, not the tallest person in Nigeria but as you well know, I am an equal opportunity lover.  We make plans to see Saro the musical (which was the BUSINESS!).  My bestie and I were going to go anyway so it was a safe bet for meeting an absolute stranger.

First impressions?  Shy, super laid back, laughs easily (you would be surprised by how many guys find it difficult to laugh at something that is actually funny).  I would even go as far as to say there was some flirting going on on my end at least during the show.  You know what's coming don't you...  So the show ends and it comes to the time where we part.  He walks me over to the car park and then the most awkward parting ceremony ever to be witnessed by man kind! Was it going to be a hug, a pat, or a semi peck on the cheek.  None happened successfully, so he sort of ran off promising that he would call, or was it that he would message or we would see... I am not even sure anymore.

Where did I go wrong Lord... all he needed to do to salvage the sitation was to send a simple message asking if I got home ok and that he had a nice time.  After which he could loose my number if he wished, block me on twitter, instagram and everything else.

HE DID NOT SEND A TEXT.

I don't have a list of rules I follow regarding this dating malarkey.  Just simply, do unto others as you would like them to do to you.  So what do I do?  The next day, I ask (text)  him if he got home ok and if he had a good time.  He responds immediately with yes and general friendliness.

NO.

I have not calmed down yet so I won't write anymore.  I did manage to call the idiot an idiot to his face today.  As usual he brushed it off as 'this girl and her cray cray'.

Well meaning, but

Suffice to say... fishing did not happen.

Onwards and upwards.  A couple of months ago, a married, scratch that, newly married friend decided to give my number to a male friend of hers who is a 'nice guy'.  I can see you rolling your eyes, let me at least finish the story.  Yes, she gave this man, lets call him B my number and the guy texted me.  He lives out in Saudi Arabia... now you are gufawwing like I don't know this sounds ridiculous.  I live in Nigeria.  Anyways... who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth?  We've been chatting, and he seems honest, God-fearing, family oriented, laid back, we have similar music and even movie tastes... on paper this is all looking kosher.  I told myself I would give him a chance and we made plans to meet when he would be visiting Nigeria in December.  It is now December people and the beauty of the anonymity of this blog is that this is the first place I can tell the truth about what happened.

1.  The week before the date he called me... I thought it was fishing guy... they sound alike! I eventually realised who it was as we'd never talked on the phone before.  We set up a time to meet.  The first meet had to be canceled due to a family emergency.  No problem.

2. Final day of date, he takes Lagos traffic for granted and arrives late at the cinema.  And his breath stank!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He must have eaten something called 'Asun' which is a peppered goat meat concoction that is actually quite tasty, but when you are meeting someone for the first time, NO STRONG SMELLS! Good or otherwise.

3.  Since then we've chatted on and off via text (I'm not having the best of weeks) but he has not called.  More family emergencies.  He isn't lying.  That's just the way it is at the moment.

So how do I feel?  I am not a beleiver in 'sparks' and I confess there were none. With the idiot even when we didn't know each other I knew I was attracted to him, which was why I was giving him a wide berth.  And another thing, we probably won't meet again for him to change his first impression.  And of course, there's the obvious problem.... where would I fit in in the life of a guy who lives in friggin Saudi Arabia. 

If it wasn't my life, I wouldnt believe the things that happen to me either.